Somebody to love
by halfravenhalfclaw
Summary: His soulmate disappeared eight years ago, but that doesn't stop Remus from missing him every single day. He sings their song to the world in hopes of finally being reunited.


_**Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition**_

_[Season 7] - Round 9_

_Team: Chudley Cannons_

_Position: Chaser 3 - Somebody to love_

_Prompts:_

_4\. (occupation) musician_

_9\. (words) rock n' roll_

_12\. (word) drugs_

_Line from the song: __Can anybody find me somebody to love._

_(Thanks to Saffron465 for betaing)_

.:lll:.

_Sirius kissed him again. First on the left side of his lips, then the right side, and lastly directly in the middle. He held the last one for just a couple of seconds before pulling back with a big smile on his face. Remus had an identical smile._

_He used his hand to stroke some of Sirius' black curls behind his ear. This earned him a new shower of kisses – the same as before; the left side, right side and then for a couple of seconds in the middle. Though Remus gently held onto Sirius' head, so the kiss lasted roughly ten seconds._

_Remus loved to count the moments he had with Sirius; they were some of the best moments in his life. Nothing in the world could compare to the joy he felt when Sirius was looking at him, touching him, but most importantly; kissing him. It was magic like none other and Remus was sure it was love._

"_I'm going to miss you." Sirius pouted slightly._

_Remus tucked the hair behind his ear again. "I'm going to miss you too, but it won't be that long. You'll just have to keep up the act for a couple of weeks, and then they'll let you go to James' place for the rest of the summer."_

_His lips became a thin line and he didn't look at Remus as he nodded._

"_What's wrong, honey?"_

"_I hate to be there. It's so scary." His voice was only a whisper, Remus instinctively stroked his hair behind his ears again._

"_If anyone can handle it, it's you. You're the bravest person I know."_

_A little smile crept on to Sirius' face and he gave three new kisses to Remus. On the left, on the right and a couple of seconds in the middle_

.:lll:.

Remus was laying down and staring at the ceiling. He had woken up early -the grief of the day even hunted his dreams- ate some leftovers from the day before, took some pills (or drugs as James liked to call them) and was now laying on his couch.

He was still laying there in his pyjamas when James came by a few hours later. He had brought a couple of pillows, a blanket, and a cooler. He grabbed a couple of spoons from the kitchen and sat down in the smaller of the sofas in the living room.

He pulled out two tubs of ice cream from the cool bag. Remus reached over to get the ice cream and spoon. He sighed, thinking of all of his grand fitness plans. The thought quickly disappeared when he spotted the label on the tub. It was chocolate, his favourite.

"Did you take the drugs?" James asked without moving his eyes from his ice cream.

"Yes."

Anti-depression pills.

James always asked that as the first thing when he came over. It didn't annoy Remus anymore, because it was nice to know that his friend still cared about him. He hadn't been himself since it happened.

"How long has it been?"

Remus was sure that James knew the answer but just wanted to break the silence.

"Eight years."

Eight years since he looked into Sirius' mysterious grey eyes. Eight years since they last touched, hugged, held hands. Eight years since he got three kisses. On the left, on the right and a couple of seconds in the middle. Eight years since the last time he had been truly happy.

"Do you think Peter was right? That it's crazy, that we should just… let go?"

Peter had, of course, been devastated when they couldn't get in touch with Sirius all summer, and even more when he didn't show up at the platform to start their sixth year together with them. But they all felt the worst when they entered their dorm and Sirius' bed wasn't there.

But that had been the end of Peter's sadness. He hadn't wanted to join them on their days of mourning, and when he discovered that they were keeping the day sacred, he tried to convince them to move on, but they couldn't. So he left.

"He's still alive. I can feel it." Remus had repeated the words so many times, sometimes even to convince himself, but he still believed it.

Remus had often imagined that Sirius was trying to find him too, that he hung up posters and asked whoever he met if they had seen him. That he also spent the day inside, eating chocolate ice cream and thinking of Remus.

"Are you ready for the meet n' greet tomorrow?" James spoke, sending Remus shooting back into reality.

"I will be."

.:lll:.

Remus felt bad that most of the people in the line had been waiting there all night, and he came strolling in a few minutes late. The meet n' greet was held at an open field. The place was also used for flee markets, concerts and other things like that.

James drove him there in his van. It had only three seats in the front, but the back of it was so luxurious that it could have been someone's room. It had a sofa with a mattress under so they could both sleep there. There was a soft fuzzy carpet on the floor, a mini-fridge, fairy lights strung delicately across the ceiling, a coffee table for snacks, and for stacking books and games.

Someone had put rope posts on the field making everyone stand in a perfect line. Most people had chairs and some even had tents.

It was warm, but Remus still put on his leather jacket. It reminded him painfully of Sirius, but no one could ever be a Rockstar without a leather jacket. Sirius would be the kind of star to wear sunglasses, leather pants, and a leather jacket all the time.

As he stepped out of the van, all the people who were waiting in line started screaming. He lifted his hand to greet them and followed James to their seats. It was a simple table, but with a comfortable chair as he had requested.

James went over to talk with security, so Remus got a little comfortable and took off his jacket. A bunch of people were screaming how much they loved him, and it made Remus feel slightly better.

Security was there to make sure everything ran smoothly, so people didn't stay even after their time had passed and that no one cheated in the line.

James came back with a microphone. "Remember only a minute to every person, and let me take care of the money. If you're thirsty just call. And remember to smile," he winked as he handed over the mic.

Remus rose from the chair.

"Hey, hey, hey everyone," immediately they started screaming again, and he paused. "It's nice to be here and I can't wait to meet all of you." And there was a lot. It would take hours. "You will all have a minute each. There'll be a chance to buy a signed poster and my autobiography, just talk to my sweet friend James over there and he'll take care of it." James raised himself from his chair at a table a few meters away.

There had for a long time been rumours that he and James dated. These rumours seemed to forget that James was married to Lily and had a little boy.

"I'll have to ask you all to keep sound at a minimum, so everyone gets most out of their minute, but please speak to your neighbours and make some friends. I guess there's nothing left for us to do than to start," he smiled as the crowd cheered and applauded again, taking a deep breath as he realized what was about to come. He turned off the mic and sat down again.

Security let the first person step up to him. The girl smiled, bearing perfect white teeth. The black hair that only reached her ears matched her brown skin perfectly. She was wearing one of his t-shirts, and she clutched his book to her chest.

"Hi." He offered her his hand. "It's nice to meet you, what's your name?" Some fans were very shy, and it was a big help to them that he started the conversation.

"I'm Isabelle. I can't believe I'm meeting you in real life, I-" She stopped as if she were too nervous to go on.

He smiled at her. "Well, here I am. Do you want me to sign your book?"

She looked down as if she had only now realized she was holding it, then quickly handed it to him. Remus flicked it open to the first page and wrote his best wishes to her, let it quickly dry and handed it back to her.

"I love your book. The chapter about your first love -Sirius- is so amazing, I truly hope you find him—"

"Your time is up," the security guard next to Remus said gently. He only now realized she was a girl.

"Okay, goodbye Remus."

"Goodbye, Isabelle."

She beamed when he said it and quickly moved on. He sighed in relief; she wasn't one of the crazy ones.

The line slowly kept going, there were a few people who wouldn't go when their time was up, but security quickly got them to leave. Otherwise, it went smoothly.

Suddenly a boy was standing in front of him. A boy with black hair that fell to his ears, so he constantly had to tuck it behind his ear. A boy with pale skin. A boy with deep grey eyes that Remus hadn't look in to for so long.

.:lll:.

"_Please Remus."_

"_No. I'm not gonna do it right _now_."_

_It was the last day before the summer holidays and Remus and Sirius had decided to have a picnic long after the end-of-year feast to look at the stars. Sirius had brought a variety of different chocolate desserts to make Remus happy._

"_Sing for me, please." Sirius made those big puppy eyes that had only gotten stronger after he became an animagus. "I'll play guitar."_

_They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. "Fine."_

_It was worth it when he saw the look on Sirius' face. His lips that had just seconds ago been a pout quickly turned into a big smile that reached to his eyes. Remus could easily get lost in those eyes._

_Sirius pulled out a little guitar from the picnic basket and used a spell to make it bigger. He sat in a comfortable position, then looked at Remus._

_Remus started with a very high note. "Can anybody find me somebody to love." Then Sirius started playing. "Each morning I get up, I die a little. Can barely stand on my feet."_

_Sirius was staring at Remus throughout the entire song. His eyes were big with awe, and it sent shivers down Remus' spine. But they were also so full of love that Remus got the courage to keep singing. They continued looking at each other long after the song ended._

"_I love rock n' roll," Sirius admitted. The song hadn't been that rock, but with the lack of a rock-guitar and other instruments, it was hard. "And I can't wait till we're out of Hogwarts and can start our band. I don't care if everyone in Great Britain hates us; I wanna play and I wanna hear you sing."_

"_Shh, relax Pads." Remus chuckled. "I'm not going to back out. Everyone will know our names, and everyone will love us." He took Sirius' hand and squeezed it gently._

_Sirius stared at their joined hands, then sighed. "I'm gonna miss hearing your voice. What will I ever do when I have a nightmare and you're not by my side?"_

_Remus pulled Sirius up on his lap. "You'll look at the moon, and you'll know I do the same."_

"_How will you know when I have a nightmare?" He seemed genuinely curious, though he tried to hide it._

_Remus knew that magic that couldn't be produced with a wand or created with ingredients often were questioned, just like divination, but that kind of magic was very real. It sometimes surprised him that people who had grown up with magic, or muggleborns who had been showed magic, didn't believe in fate or soulmates._

"_I can always feel it when you have nightmares."_

"_You can?" His eyes were big._

"_Of course I can." Remus smiled shyly, and Sirius kissed his lips on the left, the right and a couple of seconds in the middle._

.:lll:.

"I can't believe this is happening. I mean; you're you, and you're right here. In front of me and not just on my television when I see your concerts."

Remus couldn't believe that he was hearing Sirius talking, that he was seeing Sirius stare at him with awe in his eyes and smile. It was Sirius. Right there. The Sirius he had just used the last eight years to look for. The Sirius who took his heart and kept it. His mate.

"Well, uh, my name is Janus. And it's great to meet you." He fiddled with his hair and then tried to hide it by tucking it behind his ear - as Sirius always did when he was uncomfortable.

Remus realized that almost thirty seconds had passed, and he hadn't even uttered a single word yet. He couldn't let Sirius go. There were still so many people in the line, he couldn't disappoint them, but he couldn't let Sirius go either.

He was breathing loudly but tried to fight the panic because Sirius might leave, but he couldn't let him leave. He couldn't. Suddenly someone was by his side and made him sit down. Remus tried to take some big breaths and calm himself.

It took several minutes, and when he finally looked up, Sirius was gone. He was about to have another panic attack when James was by his side.

"He's in the van." He quickly said, recognizing Remus' expression. "I told he had won a secret contest of getting to spend an hour with you once the meet n' greet was over. I got him some snacks and gave him a book. He'll be there when you're finished."

Remus knew how worked up James probably was and was surprised at how calm he seemed. He looked at the line of people. Only a couple of hours left.

.:lll:.

The rest of the meetings seemed to go on forever. As if each took hours instead of only a single minute, though he kept the positive attitude. Sirius was in the van, and he wouldn't go anywhere. Finally, the last person finished.

Security had already begun packing things up long ago, so Remus quickly slipped away – the van was the only thing he had an eye for.

Though James caught up with him.

"I think he lost his memory."

"I've been thinking the same thing." He kept going straight for the van, but before he could open the doors James grabbed his arm.

"I completely respect that this is your moment, but please don't let him leave before I got a chance to speak with him."

Remus knew that Sirius and James had been like brothers, but despite that, he knew this was for Remus and Sirius. He could see the pain in James' eyes.

"Of course."

He opened the doors. Sirius was sitting on the sofa with crossed legs (he had taken off his shoes), closed the book he was currently reading and put down Remus' bowl of chocolate. His heart almost skipped a beat.

"Hey." He sat down on the sofa next to Sirius, it was killing him that he couldn't hold his arms around him. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name before—"

"Janus!" he exclaimed. "Uhh, my name is Janus. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to meet you, I mean; you're my idol, it's because of you I came out to my foster family." His eyes were shining. "You're bi, right? I mean the media says you're gay, but your book says bi."

Remus sighed. "I'm bi. I suppose you've heard about bi-erasure?" Sirius nodded. "Anyway, it's great to meet you too, though I feel like we've met before… did you by any chance go to Hogwarts?" He bit his lip.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know really. I have amnesia, so I pretty much only remember the past eight years of my life… did we go to school together? Can you… sorry, this sounds rude, but can you prove it? I'm sorry it's just that anyone could go up to me and say they knew me before, so it's just… you know…"

He smiled wryly, he had been afraid Sirius wouldn't believe him and run away. "I have some pictures." He waved his wand while pretending to pull the album out of a drawer.

Sirius silently looked through it. After Sirius began taking muggle studies in fifth year to piss off his parents, he became obsessed with muggles and insisted they made an album with only muggle-pictures.

After staring at the same page for a long time, Sirius tilted the book and showed it to Remus. There were three pictures on the same page. One where Sirius kissed him on the left side of the lips, the right and in the middle.

"Were we dating?"

Remus paused a second, unsure of how Sirius would react, then nodded. "You're the Sirius in my book. I sang our song -somebody to love- to the world in hopes that you would hear it and find me. I missed you so much and I can't believe you're here now"

Sirius took a second to proceed the information.

"Well," he hesitated, "if I loved you back then, then I'm sure I can do it again. Gosh, that word sounds so extreme." He turned his red face away from Remus.

"But it's the right word." He took Sirius' hand, and everything finally felt right again.

.:lll:.

**Word count: 2999**

.:lll:.

.:lll:.

_A/N the song is about someone fighting to find somebody to love, and Remus was fighting to find Sirius._

_**DISCLAIMER: all the credit for the song "somebody to love" belongs to Freddie Mercury and Queen. I've used the title several times and the first three lines of the second flashback.**_


End file.
